The Bilaz Train Comes to KBW ...

PART 1: THE BILAZ TRAIN EXPOSED


Disclaimer:

This is the Story of the Bilaz Train (hereafter BT). More aptly, this is an inside scoop on the BT from a passenger's perspective. Thanks to the infinite mercies of a certain guest blogger and yours truly, we offer telling secrets, quietly observed and recorded whilst riding on the BT, as it snaked it's way towards the KBW station. All characters in this revelation are fictional. Any resemblance to characters that you may or may not know is unintended, and thus the authors do not regret in advance ...

Introduction:

Self-Loving:
A secret past time activity on the BT, an essential survival tactic. Akin to how Milo discovered milo at the tender(well not so tender) age of 11. The motto on the BT was simple; love thyself as thou would like to be loved.


The adherence to this motto on the BT was almost religious; so much so that it was brazenly reflected in the nomenclature of the crew and passengers of this BT in all sorts and manners of phallic representations:

Boyflani: had been quoted on SleezeNews saying "I have found true love within myself. It's safe, cheaper and no pressure to perform." He had further quoted Vandorss " If you can't be with the one you love, love the one you're with!" Who could argue with that, atleast he was not in denial like the others

Aco: claimed to be excercising ... he was lifting a weight alright

Bantuts was keeping KIKWETU KIKWAKE...na venye ye hujiswaga, hujimanga, hujitwok, hujitandika.

EGM- and his long shooting zoom in "lens"

Lijiwe with his even smaller lens

Aegeus and his so called Castle.

Spidey; and his so called battle within.

Modo Athi: and his ngothaless nutty dreadlock who was kicked out of the Mungiki for beheading thyself.

Archer: ati a quiver full of arrows? Or a quivering quiver full of arrows?

Kirima: loosely translated into making a mountain out of a mole hill!

Stackofstiffy's....need I explain ...?

The Train Itself ...

There was a palpable silence as the Bilas Train rumbled into the KBW station. It was a perfect Spring evening and the KBW women outside looked dazzling, nay, coruscating. Hands that were hitherto plucking and strumming on an assortment of individually customized instruments during the journey to the KBW Station shot up to the mouth in amazement.

While the BT had been journeying towards destination KBW, there were many passengers who had prophesed abstinence ... impotence ... ignorance. Their moment of reckoning was nigh. How would they react? Who was going to steal a move on the others? Who would jump off into the inviting KBW festival of darts?

It was Mishale who had proposed the hymn. He was seconded by EGM and "thirded" by Mwangi because these latter two also knew the hymn. It was from Songs of Praises. The explicit intention was to extol the KBW sights and sounds that now graced them to Were, the great creator. But Mishale had secret perverted fantasies that he needed verbalized. He rendered the bass thus and was joined by his unsuspecting mates;

We plough the fields and scatter

The good seeeed* on the laaaaand* * = stress points ...

But it is fed and waaaatered* ....

By God's almighty hand ...

This harmonic rendition catalyzed a heightened testosterone level on the BT...

"Ptuh, ptuh," spat Aco. "Fuck!" cringed 3N as he also wiped his mouth. They had forgotten to wipe off the thick, creamy fluid that had accidentally oozed onto their hands - a byproduct of the immensely pleasing, albeit overdone strumming. Kip on the other hand was too busy with his other hand singing Whitney's "..there comes a point when we exhale yeah yeah...SAY! Kip! Kip! Kip! Keep it Kip!" Mwangi's moaning glory was also interrupted before the proverbial cock crowed...

Kumbe the stories these KBW mamas over-blogged about were true!! The windows on the BT were now crowded; wide, eager stares. Alert instruments. The KBW field had no bushes. The field was not only fertile, but looked prime to be unearthed, explored, and discovered by bull-driven ploughs. The tilling and ploughing imagery was driving guys nuts. Could anyone on the BT handle these fields? Could their hand-held jembes penetrate this seasoned loam soil? Outside lay Soddom and Gomorrah and inside the train were anatomies which had turned into pillars of salts.


Thank the heavens that the BT arrived at KBW just in time!!

This excess testosterone might have otherwise induced some interesting behaviour on the train. Even Milo would have started to look pretty; causing Bomseh to chant repeatedly "Me I Love Milo Regardless." Couch Tato, who once overheard Jiwe whispering to Aegeus "I wish I knew how to quit you!" would have been in no position to judge Jiwe, for tato would himself have had a weak moment with Spidey. Heck, even 3N might have had an urge to put his 3N in BoyflaNNNi. Mwangi was almost getting ready to assume Position Impossible with Bants.

Thank God for Kirima, whose able hands at the "wheel" got the BT station at KBW, before these apocalyptic engagements could unfold ...

Meanwhile, outside the BT ... in the KBW Station ...

The mamas were ready. They had the milk shake, and they were in the yard. Which boys were going to alight first? The mamas flaunted their expensively assembled and packaged paraphernalia. They were READY. They were qualified too!! To be a resident of KBW, the uncompromising prerequisite was a summa cume laude from Mama Gertrude's course. They proudly waved their diplomas in the air ...and now some wanted to cum loudly ...

Ova to the Train ...

Was Sodom and Gomorrah going to be reenacted? Would the guys on the BT acquiesce?

Who had the nastiest, saltiest, "moistest" balls to open the BT door and step into such intimidation?

"Open the damn door!!" requested, no, boomed a voice from the back of the train. EVERY head performed a 180-degree alteration. Who/what was that? Surely no mortal would dare stick his jembe first on these seasoned soils ....

TO BE CONTINUED ....