Of African Women and Hairy Issues ...

Having priory declared my penchant for “vegetation-free” mamas, I guess one could be forgiven for thinking am about to revisit the issue. Pole. Get your mind off the gutters. I am talking about the other hair – the one I shave with no qualms …

I had an exchange with a Kenyan mama yesterday about this easy-to-shave hair. Her attitude was captured succinctly in the following paragraph:

“My hair - my curly, funky, half permed-half natural, short, thin and brown* hair is an extension of my personality, cultural background and most importantly my heritage. It dawns on me that the decisions I make on hairstyles are a reflection of my bondage and freedom even though more often than not it is beyond my control. “How can I remain captive when I have this knowledge? How can you remain captive when you have this knowledge? Is freedom coming tomorrow? I think not, it has been here with us all this while but we have chosen not to take it. Let us allow uhuru to prevail in our lives and let it show by how we chose to wear our hair!”


I think it is better to speak my mind than to boot-lick and wag my tail for mamas. I risk incurring the wrath of some feminists, “defenders-of-the-African hair”, et cetera. As long as we debate each other on the merits of the argument, I will embrace their caning …

My opinion is brutal, but is also honest:

Get over it!!

To politicize an issue as trivial as "that hair" is not only escapist, but also a tad hypocritical. If a mama wants to resist, to really resist the neo-colonial impulses, I hereby prescribe Mwangi’s modus operandi. Please note that it is not exhaustive by any means and is merely proposed as a guide, which the user should feel free to ameliorate...

1. Usinyoe kule kule – If you want to roll ancestral, there is no greater, demonstrable proof than a canopy downtown. You will have to look for a Dinka man though. Kenyan men have moved on … And please usiwai ingia Victoria Secret – unless you work there …
   
2. Kifua kavu – Subject them to gravitational force, whether they sag or are non-existent. That is how we rolled back then. The bar is set high on this resistance movement …
   
3. Sabuni + Lotion = Kwaheri : If these commodities exist in the house, it is because ur jamaa is sooo disgusted by your adherence to protocol # 1 above that he employs them after you leave the house …
   
4. Perfume: Tia zii mami. “Free your pheromones” is the new mantra. It might actually mitigate for the effects of protocol # 1 above …
   
5. Rudi Kenya!!
   
   
   
   CONCLUSION:
   

These are actually not trivial pointers. The message I am putting across is:

You cannot pick your poison. You cannot denigrate women who are conscious about their hair, who want to make it look “good” by whatever means – by accusing them of being encumbered in a “neo-colonial” mindset.

And Jesus said:

“Let he who has no sin cast the first stone …” [somewhere new testament]

Such castigation is, for a lack of better term, academic thuggery!! It is more sentimental than rational, and probably precipitated and catalyzed by Afro academic circles eager to ooze metaplasma on a polarizing topic. This inevitability of a clash of civilizations is upon us: on one hand, the political clash endows us with liberty - liberty to resist complete assimilation, liberty to embrace our nostalgia for a past long gone ... but alas, it is such an irony... on the other hand, a slow, tightening, inexorable wind of change that started when Shaka Zulu was presented a mirror by the mzungu [okay, I kid, I kid]. Its ultimate goal is convergence; it is unyielding, unaffected by prayers, unaffected by pockets of resistance and all-consuming - affecting all facets of our lives; political, monetary, cultural values, religious disposition, language, attitudes, et cetera ...

Maybe it is the destiny of mankind - to be one - and whereas resistance is admirable, I fear it might only be temporary and meaningless over generations to come. Look at how African languages are being lost. You say you want to resist, yet you can’t even speak your mother-tongue!! Yet your capitalism-induced thirst for materials is insatiable. You cannot pick your poison. If you choose to keep your hair unadulterated, please don’t use profound justifications – they don’t make sense. Liberty, my dears, with its attendant choice sets. It really is that simple …it is our greatest neo-colonial gift!!

I stand to be corrected