Kenyan Mamaz - Why I Still Love 'em ...

Why I still love Kenyan Mamaz ...

Last night, in my customary fourth gear of a keroro induced slumber, I finally understood everything. I was, through telekinesis or some cabalistic power, teleported to the annus mirabilis of human existence, where it all began. That year is 1905. There, I was presented with the “The Special Theory of the Relative Experiences of Kenyan Mamaz.”

The most emotionally discombobulating question/comment a pretty mama can ask/make is:

“Do you know what I have been through?

I have been through a lot …

These kinds of remarks conjure images of majonzi, despair, utter desolation, et cetera. Kumbe!!...I hereby present to you a succinct equation that is the quintessence (tial) embodiment of mundane mama chatter (ly) that should shed a gleam of dawn ... on these experiences ...

E = mc²

Where:

E = Everything (note the capital “E”)

m = magnified
c = complicated

and:

“Everything” and “Magnification” are equivalent and transmutable …

Following are several practical applications of the theory:

“I have had such a bad day” – When a guy utters these words, mamaz please dote on him. Give him a hug, a big wet kiss, and if schedules permit, let him access you horizontally. Why? Because he means exactly that! He might have had an accident on the way to work, missed being hit by a car, was fired from work, or a host of other commensurate tragedies! What about mamaz? Ati the b/f did not call her at lunch time, she overheard a co-worker bitching about her, or more trivially, ati chai ilimwagika kwa jiko in the morning and she had no time to wipe coz she’da been late to work… Ngai fafa …


“He put me through a lot” – When a guy semaz he’s been put through a lot by a chick, it’s some serious dose … like finding out on the wedding day that a chick’s been wekaing other jamaas 4 all this time, or almost getting his “tools” chopped off in an argument … but some mamas … eish … maisha needs to go on … you’ll pata a mama is not eating, is not talking, can’t go to work, is crying all the time … ati coz of memories of a guy who dumped her 2 or 3 months ago … na ukimwuliza ni nini, unaambiwa “It’s that time of the month” … cum on …


With mamas, it’s all relative … small issues are magnified … serious ones are downplayed. I have decided to stop criticizing and start understanding. At the end of the day, after all the relativity is accounted for, there still is nothing like the good Kenyan gal next door … still love ‘em all to bits … be they farmgals or princesses … so I’ll always be relatively ready to relate to your relative experiences if you cum ova to my place …


footnote: Lesson from a village boy … to avoid the “chai related stresses” described in (i) above … spread the tea leaves on the “about to boil” combo of milk and water and koroga with a kichungi … that way … hautamwagiliwa ….