A shit post ...

A gift to remember ...

Jack and Jones lived down the hall from me. They were white. These two characters were notorious. Jack, for his smarts - how did one get so high, so often and yet was always on Dean’s list after every semester? Jones on the other hand was a walking oxymoron … rumor was that his endowment fund was generously stocked. That his microphone was always a handful for any gal on campus to talk to … I never played baseball so I never had the opportunity to substantiate the rumor …

It was Jones’ birthday. He received a note from the postman, bright and early, before his first class. He was looking 4ward to plenty of gifts and loving from his friends.

“You have a package at the post office. Please present this card at the window for pick-up.”

The campus mail-boxes were tiny. Anything not letter-sized could not fit. One had to go during office hours to collect larger parcels from storage. After his morning class, he ran over to the posta, brain teeming with ideas as to the origins and contents of the package. Maybe it was his parents. Better yet, presents from several of his well “served” one night standees? He wasn’t sure, but he had a good feeling about this …

He raced back into his room in record time, visibly excited. Scissors out, rip the carton open. Alas, it was a carton in a carton. Scissors again, mutilate this other carton and behold; a gem of a gift, in all its majesty lay before his perplexed eyes …

In a transparent plastic bag, inside that second carton, lay the driest, longest and now smelliest piece of shit that he had ever laid his eyes on. Attached next to it was a simple note, written in caps, and in red:

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY”

JACK.

Alienda posta kuget shonde !!

He needed it like a third armpit. He started plotting his revenge ...