Ngaiiiiiiiii babaaaaaaa ....
- When a dark shaped object whizzes across the room, at three times ten to the power eight metres per second you know you are fucked …
- When the said object waits until you are just about to sleep, to do the said whizzing, you know you are nocturnally fucked …
- Now, when your roommate beholds the said whizzing, lets out a sharp cry “Ngaiiiiiiiii babaaaaaa …." ad infinitum not only is the fucking nocturnal, but it is likely to be without the lubricant of your choice … excrutiating … tremendous enthalpy of combustion …
But I know you muthafuckas are not getting the point:
What I am kindly trying to say is this:
There is a fucking rat in the house.
And I am fucking scared to go home tonight. Not after how fast that little fuck was moving last night. Jeeezus, and Mary and Joseph !! What the fuck am I gonna do?
Kirima [ Insert Appropriate Phobia here]
The worrying thing is that the little-fucka was littlish [read youngish] …
This portends a MAJOR problem:
What if the said little-fucka was SEXILED* ….
As in would not be allowed to watch the big-dick fucka doing his thang to populate the house with similarly fast little fuckas?*
In fact, @ the speed @ which that little-fucka flashed before our mersmerized selves, I would not be surprised if big-dick (noun) caught little-fucka jerking off to his big-dick (adjective) manenos and chased him off !!
If that be the case, if big-dick be in the house doing his thing, now I am eternally fucked …
What’s a fucking rat’s gestation period?
(Ooozing manly machismo ... )
I am a mammal of higher order … I will not allow big-dick to hold me in thrall … ama show him a swinger (mass noun) …
I reckon maybe it’s becoz it’s summer time that little-fucka and his clan found their way to the crib … so before I left house in the morning, I decided to modify the “climate in the house” … wekad maximum cooling ….
In the hope that @ best:
a) The cold will shrivel big-dick and induce temporary erectile dysfunction before I flush the clan out tonight …
b) Lil-fucka’s -mama will catch a “rat-cold” that will result in loss of “heat” delaying/ eliminating/ negating big-dick’s multiplication instincts …
In the absence of success:
I am buying “Mummification for Dummies” on my way home …
Labels: rodentophobia?
posted by jm at 3:36 PM
20 Comments:
Numero Uno, will be back!
numero dos...read once, must read twice hehehe.
LOL!!
My advise sleep with your eyes open! Rats / Mice / Rodents are quite shy and usually escape upon realization that a human being is watching them.
Ama it’s someone’s pet that has hepad. You should put a note outside for anyone who has lost a panya….
Rat poison time!
Lol! pole, not even funny! si one of my buddies had a rat over at her place a few months ago. And then it found a partner, made a home and now there's lots of babies and rat droppings all over. Her house in impeccably clean so it must be the neighbor. Lakini the apartment complex says no rat poison coz it'll kill pets in the building. They bought her rat traps, and she finds them there dead some nights. So she reported them to the city. Inspection is sometime this week.
Zemmiphobia
LOL I don't think the cold treatment will work will probably make them work harder at making babies.
LOOOL! Hilarious!
I agree with Kirima (Daktari wa ma-phobia) the cold will probably encourage the panyas to shag more. Just look at humans and note how much sex occurs during cold months.
My advice: rat poison. If that doesn't work, do it the old fashioned way, tafuta kijiti and lead an aerial attack a la Falluja.
Woooiii! Pole sana..
Rats scare the hell outa of me! Aki hama..
Listen to kirima...the cold could result in the same thing you are trying to prevent. I second aco on the rat poison.
I have to advise you against rat poison, unlike everyone else. The rats will kula that poison and go die in some place very difficult to get them, thereby stinking up the whole place! A colleague at work said this happened to him, and it took weeks for the stench to go away. The best bet for you is rat traps...
I agree with EGM. We once tried the Rat poison at home...oh dear Lord!! The Smell!!! Trust me u dont want any of that shit.
Tafuta Traps or call the exterminators....heheee.
Rats are pretty difficult to get rid of even with rat poison they have been known to develop resistant populations in the case of one widely used poison (Wafarin) they became so used to it that they actually needed it in their system yaani without it they would die.
Best methods will be mechanical, starving them by keeping food out of reach or just get yourself a cat or pet snake :-)
tafuta paka ya bantu. if that doesn't work do what i did..move your furniture to one side of the room, then ngojea panya...uta ngoja na ingoje na ungoje. lakini ikitokea cheza nayo ball. ipige buti kwa ukuta.
or, learn to live with it...ki tom and jerry style...ama kama ratatouille (sp)
hehehe. pole man buts thts funny. NO! dnt use rat poison, it will potea somewhere inside the hao n the stench is mbaya videdly. Do it the old fashioned way, kijiti n lots of energy. but i feel u, hata kama nacheka videdly sahi...hahahaeee
ROTFLMAO...ha ha ha superior mammal ho u tryin to kid!?
rat poison? kijana hama. dhama! cejia mucie...
lol big dick be copulating...populating all up in your shindig!!
@Modo: ha ha do u think bants and the way he loves his paka will let mwangi borrow it?
lol....and another lol@3N ati ni pet, well daddy cool, sijui ni seme coz i feel u....what about upige 911
@Kirima - hata wewe, ati Zemmi who?
Modo got it! try to Man-U that rat kwa ukuta!
ROFLMBAO...pole sana...tis funny though and I'd be the first to say that those creepy crawles give me the hibbie jibbies...good luck on catching Ratatouille!!!
Lil-fucka is now limping, starvation I reckon ... and hope ... wasn't able 2 catch him but ... njaa itaendelea!!
Bell the baby rat and the chimes will lead you to the rest of the family, then smack them hard.
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