Of a Spiritual Quandary ...
I grew up on latrines … I mean I grew up using latrines for number 2 and anywhere for number 1. For the slow ones, I grew up deep in the village. I used to go to school barefoot, with no vunda every other day (tulikuwa tunashare na bro …), and torn shorts and shirts … and a protruded belly … tulikuwa tunasukuma ugali na sukuma kila wiki …tungali … PSYCHE …
I used my first modern toilet at the “tender” age of …ummm … 9 or 10.
That was when I was shipped to boarding school for the first time. I remember looking at that thing and wondering “just how do you use this thing?” … granted the HOLE was bigger than the kijiji ones, but it was also HIGHER up … it was impossible to assume my village position!
But as y’all may (not) know, the village endows you with plenty of skills which are useful at problematic times such as those …
So I CLIMBED…
And CLIMBED … until I went to high school …
It took a harsh lesson to “STOP CLIMBING” … toilets that is …
You see, I ate quite well after KCPE. My first CLIMB in high school was the last one to-date. I climbed, and came down “mid-work” with the whole damn thing. Talk about shit hitting the floor … but I did learn the “methodology”
The other day, I mean many years ago, in a drunken daze, I walked into a “kibanda” and proceeded to order some samosas “to go” …
And go I did …
The kao-kyuk in me took over: Alas … I mean haraaa …
To make it worse, I was in my local church, working hard to stifle a nice nap that was threatening to muzzle the pastor’s Hallelujah … it was my punishment for spiritual insubordination.
So I dashed to the “recently dug” latrines. There at awaited my disaster. In no order, this is my list of complaints:
The HOLE seemed like the size of a cup mug opening
It was triangular – meaning your “ass-gymnastics” had to be pin-point
It was, quite literally a few inches from the door, meaning that your said gymnastics would only be perfect if your knees were outside the “shed” consequently implying the door had to be open …
The shed was 1 BY 2 or thereabouts in dimension … as if intended for dwarfs or something …
Dear Lord, amnesty It was a smear campaign …am nasty ...
Amnasty.
posted by jm at 9:01 AM
31 Comments:
What a way to start the weekend! Thanks for the laugh!
LMAO!
the gymnASStics involved in using a latrine are quite challenging what I know from experience is you better not have those long shitty ones otherwise its torture.
Amnasty (JM, 2007).
Dude you have cracked me. Ati climb and climb lmao.
LOL! that's some hilarious shit (yep, intended all the way). that thing enyewe you must be skilled so that you don't lose your wallet, phone etc...
made my monday.
People run out of practice when they don't use such facilities for long. For others, they adjust just like that. Interesting post. I have a shit post coming up soon to spoil the valentine mood.
this mad me crack!
LOL! Holy Shit! Now there's a spiritual test.
lol....ati what!!!
u guy wacha jokes.
I am hearing rumors that you have been tagged by 3N....
and I didn't know you were back and now I do. atii you climbed and climbed till high school- LOL!
Thanks for the laughs.
HAHAHAAAAAAAA HA. Am i glad i found you or what?
hehe, mwagi gene-ass, its been long since i did some gymnASStics and commented hia..i see u got that crazy wit..watch out for my 'me-loo-drama' serie..hahaha
very funny blog.
hahahaha its okie to remember how u did grow up
what a hilarious post! But thats the best way to grow up I believe. then you come and find a better world. Instead of growing up in a better world then you go out there and discover the shitty world later in life ama?
Ha ha ha!The perfect post for a sunday afte!Uko wapi siku hizi?
Now I've lost my appetite. Thanks alot!!
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