Why mami is worried ...

For the last two or three weeks, I’d been receiving (and ignoring) mami’s calls … because she always called when I wasn’t in the right frame of mind … I mean, time difference is kindu 8 hrs and if you call me at 9 am (Kenyan time) on Sunday morning from Nairobi, I can ascertain with 99.99% confidence level that my outermost electrons will be sooo excited … if it’s my mum or dad, there is 101% confidence that I will not pick up the phone. I respect them too much to risk feeding them gibberish …

And so things came to a head yesterday. I had just gotten home when the phone rang. It was my mum. Usual salutations … inquiries about health … weather … then came the bomb.

“Do you still go to church?”

I was holding on one hand the phone, and on the other a glass of Captain Morgan’s. I wondered if I should say yes so the topic could end or to be honest. I looked at the Captain and felt a tinge of guilt. I know my mother so well. By asking me if I normally go to church, it was her non-confrontational way of asking: “Is it because you are out drinking late on Saturday night that you do not pick up my phone?”

I looked at the Captain again. What should I say? Then the devil overpowered me. I took a monster swig and downed the 1/4 glass of rum in one go. For a moment, I went into a trance as the bitterly pungent rum worked its way down the throat, up the eyes (tear drop) and nose (belch). My mum jolted me out of my momentary reverie with an innocuous question: “Kari karia uranyua?”

By now, the warmth of the shot had worked its way up my body, emboldening me in the process. I was ready for verbiage. Without a twitch, I calmly replied, “aca, ni kajuice ndirakunda na dinner...” Distracting her attention from the “church battle” would have been catastrophic – especially with the mention of certain organic compounds – notwithstanding Jesus’ first miracle.

My mum hates alcohol with a passion – if that is possible. She has always cautioned me against going anywhere near, let alone consuming alcohol. But I started my theoretical rebellion early. Just so I don’t confuse my meaning, by theoretical rebellion, I mean exactly that. It was the best I could do. You cannot sniff an alcoholic drink and sleep in my father’s house – be you the first son, or even Jesus for that matter.

And so it was that after my KCPE, I had tons of temps libre to explore my bible. Alas, I stumbled upon 1 Timothy 5:23 . I promptly committed to that part of memory that records things like the first chick you kissed, wekad, etc … the part that never forgets …

“Drink no longer water, but use a little wine for thy stomach’s sake and thine often infirmities.” I had the perfect weapon for the next time she lectured me on the ills of drinking. Or so I thought …

That verse (may the good lord forgive me) almost cost me my sanity. Immediately I quoted the verse to her, she went into a frenzy, countering me with prolonged, bitter and outspoken denunciations for what seemed like an eternity. To make matters worse, when the time came for me to finally go to form 1, I had to endure about an hour of counsel (more like rebuke) from our pastor and a church elder on the various apparitions taken by the devil and conveniently sneaked in alcohol as an example.

What a low blow! I mean, shetani is guilty of soooo many evils but kanywaji is not one of them. If so, what does that say of Jesus’ 1st miracle, what of Holy Communion in a lot of churches (not ours, coz we use strawberry juice)? Seriously, once you have set a precedent that alcohol is bad, then it necessarily implies that those who partake of it are bad … and if you so happen not to believe in lesser evil, then you can’t make a convincing religious argument that those who drink more are any worse than those who kunywa kidogo. Right? Perhaps you can question their discipline or moral uprightness (same way you would criticize someone who overeats, over speeds, sleeps in, etc) but not their fate when they die … I stand to be corrected though…

Anyway, I digress.

“Do you go to church?”

“No, I haven’t been since my sophomore year in college,” said I emphatically. That, mind you is almost 4 years ago.

Until my calling card ran out of airtime, I was barely able to utter a cohesive sentence; mami took over the airwaves and made me know what time it was:

• I raised you in the church

• If you don’t go to church you forget about God

• Without God, you cannot succeed

• You are also more likely to fall into bad company

• And end up like Donde jr. et al

• Look for a church

• And get your [butt] over there

I love mami to death but I disagree with her.

•  Yes, you raised me in the church and I really appreciate that

•  Yes, I do sometimes forget to pray or even think I can do stuff on my own

•  Yes, without God I cannot succeed

•  No, I am not falling into any bad company – u raised me in the church, remember?

•  I will not do a Donde on you, that’s a solemn vow

•  Ummm… do I really have to ?

In the words of Julius Nyerere:

“The church cannot uplift a man; it can only help to provide the conditions and the opportunity for him to cooperate with his fellows to uplift himself.”

I often ask myself thsese questions:

1] Is there God ? And I answer yes
2]What does he want? He wants me to serve him
3]How? By serving my fellow brothers and sisters
4]Do I know how? I think so
5]So why go to church? I dunno ...
6]Do I have issues with the Christian intepretation of God? Yes, some things ... but overall, it can guide you down the straight and narrow...
7]Isn't the preacher giving me his own intepretation of God's word? Yes
8]Isn't my own intepretation just as valid? I think so ... I don't believe that going to bible school is quite the same as going to say, med school ... in the latter case, there is little room for subjectivity, almost formulaic, but in the former, i think one just perfects the art of "subjective persuasion"
9]Could I be wrong? Most certainly
10]What to do now? Pray, let my deeds serve God. If that's not enough, God have mercy on me.

BONO - RED INITIATIVE LAUDABLE - ROCKS

We can't rely on individuals cutting philanthropic cheques every so often out of their disposable incomes.
That is why the RED idea is so clever - it is sustainable.
Mind you the overheads are so minimal that in excess of 95% of the money raised goes to programs on the ground in Africa.
This initiative is relatively new and should be given a chance.

Remember:

"A beggar's knees are supple" -Burdens by John Ruganda.

It is foolish to refuse AID just because we ought to be helping ourselves. If you are sitting in a comfortable recliner, sipping coffee somewhere in Nairobi, you should be the last person to criticize noble initiatives such as Bono's and others of similar nature. Think about the unfortunate among us who are suffering. Do you think they care from whence the AID comes??

To ameliorate the effects of HIV/AIDS, I dare say we take ANY aid, even from the proverbial devil himself. Otherwise, it would be a great travesty to allow people to suffer because of politics. In this issue, there can be no necessary evil.

Did You Know ???

If you lifted your right leg and started making clockwise circles with it, and then tried to draw the number 6 with your right hand in the air ... your leg would automatically reverse the direction of the circle and start doing it counterclockwise??

Product Red: Why Bono Rocks …

In a recent NY Times article, critics attack Bono’s (Product) RED campaign, which drafts corporate sponsors to contribute profits on RED products to fight disease in Africa — saying those corporations (e.g. GAP, Armani) have a reputation for running sweatshops in developing countries.

Bono, in his response argues that “I’ve come to a place where I realize that there is something obnoxious about a spoiled rotten rock star in a photograph with a vulnerable child taken by a dreadful disease. But that’s who I am and that’s who they are. And I’m doing my best.”

Whereas there is an element of truth behind the sweatshop stories, I think it must be acknowledged that Bono’s undertakings to tweak and motivate change at different levels of the developed world’s social, economic and political systems are laudable. Rightly so, he has been described by some as “the face of fusion philanthropy” given his impressive involvement in commercial and hybrid entities aimed at tackling poverty especially in Africa, as well as alliances with the aforementioned corporations, and even conservative politicians like Jesse Helms.

Nobody is perfect. But I think the net effect is positive for Africa. There are people, especially labour unionists, who are paid to level accusations at such efforts. And indeed, I believe they are at times useful whistle-blowers. This time though, I think they should cut Bono some slack. He is doing some GREAT work ….

Same Sex Marriage - an oxymoron?

Consider the case of Vermont vs. Virginia....


Two women, Janet and Lisa were in a civil union. Now, when Lisa gave birth to "their" only baby, Isabella - Janet was there ... in fact she was the one who cut the umbilical cord ...
Because of the conservative nature of Virginia law, they moved to Vermont soon after Isabella’s birth.
Several years later, wacha wakakosana. Lisa argues that she has converted to Christianity, and that she condemns gay unions of any shape OR form. She thus severs her relationship with Janet.
But then there is the little matter of child custody. Janet argues that even though she is not the biological mother, she is entitled by virtue of their former civil union, all the visitation rights granted by law to straight couples who end up separating.
Lisa will have none of it. She is now a staunch Christian and argues that her new found faith cannot permit her to allow such visitation.
This is a landmark case, courts will have to set precedents. Conveniently, Janet’s lawyers are gay rights campaigners. Not to be outdone, Lisa’s lawyers have the ears of the evangelicals who argue that the mere concept of “same-sex marriage” is an oxymoron…
The issue now is not about these Janet and Lisa – it is about 2 diametrically opposed sides trying to advance their agenda in the court system. Lisa and Janet have now become pawns. Neither side can afford to lose because the precedent rulings will have severe implications for the losers.
What’s also interesting is that this case tests the supremacy of federal law over State laws.
Janet's lawyers, acting in their interests sue in the very liberal state of Vermont.
Ruling: Visitation granted.
Lisa’s first step is to switch residency back to Virginia. Her lawyers then countersued in the conservative Virginia.
Verdict: No visitation.
Janet appeals in Virginia.
Lisa appeals in Vermont.
I’d hate to be the judge deciding this stuff…what a dilemma !

Drunken Eccentricity

Ethiopian: Starts drinking at 7pm. Is thoroughly wasted @ 3am. Gets into the New York subway ... apparently headed home ... wapi? Ends up sleeping on the train, and keeps riding back and forth, then jamaaa suddenly wakes up @ 11am ... not knowing wtf is going on, or wtf he is @ ...


Nepali: pombe without weed 4 these guys is no good. they actually prefer the latter. as one of my college buddies justifies himself ... "weed is better than alcohol because it only coats your brain cells temporarily, whereas alcohol permanently kills the brain cells" ... gotta admit for how smart these mofas are, there might be some truth to the statement ...

jungu: destroys a keg with his buddies in one night. commits either of these atrocities:
a) we find him sleeping peacefully on the streets in the morning- next to a homeless guy ...
b) has sex with his g/f - in a college room (u kn. how dem rooms be) oblivious of the roommate ... 2 make matters worse, the chick is a thoroughbred moaner in bed ...
c)finds himself naked in his ex. g/f's bed , next morning, without a clue on what transpired ...


Miro: i dunno if it's the 40's lakini these dude is especially IQ-less when drunk. oozing manly machismo ... "nigga, what the f. u looking @ me 4?" and this is on a public bus btw ... challenging kila mtu for a bout " i ain't afraid of death, nigga, i know u is ... want some of me "


Ugandan: fika hanye, pull up a chair, kunywa, watch other people gyrating, go home when hanye closes ...

Zimbabwean; mobb psyche 2 waka - lakini first to fall ...

Kenyan: kamata all friday night, fika afta hanye kamata, pints kwisha, fika home, wake up sawa sawa wondering where the mkanyango for sato night is @