Thursday, May 31, 2007

Calling ALL Sharpshooters!!

Yaani, I got off the bus to a smile from the UGLIEST face I have ever seen. I mean, when this idiot goes to hell (bcoz he is ...) shetani atamwona aokoke!! Contrary to popular opinion, I am a rather confident fellow. If you gaze at me, best believe you'll drop your gaze first ...

But this damn fool almost knocked the stuffings out of me. The unwritten code of human interactions is that when someone (even a stranger) smiles at you, it generally denotes a "lack of beef with me." But some people are ANIMALS ...

UGLY FACE smiles @ me and before I move past him, he says out loud to me:

"Hey Babe!!"

I freeze in my tracks, look at the muthafucka. Shait, he's too damn big. I shake my head and sullenly trot home ...


Archer!! Lend me a few mishales I go ancestral on AN IDIOOOOT !!

Wednesday, May 30, 2007

The Evolution of African Diabz (2)

Given: Species evolve

Given: The species that are best adapted to their environment survive …

Given: The species that survive pass on their desirable traits to subsequent generations

Unclear: Why Do African Mamaz Have Bigger Diabz?

FALSE THEORY:


Big hips to accommodate child birth. Errr, kwani chim-chongs don’t give birth? Have you seen how small some of them are?

POSSIBLE EXPLANATION:

The main reason African mamaz have bigger diabz is very simple really …

“We Had No Chairs”

In the harsh terrain, one either looked for the smoothest stone (not always easy coz of wild animals) or was endowed with a survival mechanism … This latter trait was more expedient in the long run.

Over thousands of years, this trait was passed on … hence the diabzful African woman today who I must add:

is a species tofauti from wale wengine !!


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Monday, May 28, 2007

THE MARKET FOR LOVE


AN ECONOMIC PERSPECTIVE ON LOVE:

I hate to “commodify” people but for the purposes of my argument, I beg your pardon. Let us assume that jamaas and mamaz are playaz in the market place. By playaz, I mean they are demanders and suppliers of a “good” or “goods”. There is plenty of anecdotal evidence to ascribe the term “good” by the way … Now, the market place is EVERYDAY LIFE, that is classrooms, streets, farms, workplaces, hanyez, churches (especially churches). Finally, the commodity/good being traded is LOVE. Crucially, it is possible to “price discriminate” in the market place. That means that my goods are not priced the same as your goods. This invariably introduces another variable; price. Within a set of demanders and suppliers, the equilibrium price is attained when two “traders” meet each other at the right place at the right time; their feelings for each other are indistinguishable – they feel the SAME way about each other, at the SAME time. These two individuals are then said to be “IN-LOVE” … sorta like IN-THE-MONEY” but not quite.

So why can’t a sista buy herself some LOVE? A mama who poses this question to herself is UNABLE to conduct business in the market place: In any market for “goods” , there are BUT two explanations for this inability:

  1. They exercise their choice not to buy the good (in spite of having value for exchange)
  2. The good is too costly.

An important provision is apt at this time: Ceteris paribus, that is, holding all else constant, this scenario applies for GENUINE merchants of LOVE only. Every market has its own inefficiencies and wastages. The list below (and note it is not exhaustive) represents the wastages and inefficiencies in this crazy market for love a.k.a the LOVE KUBAFFS. These will be nonchalantly ignored:

“Hit and Run”

“Sex Bila Jokes”

“One-night-standers”

“Nipe-Nikupe”

Hardcore feminists!! - GRRRRRHHH ...

Etc …

The first reason (choice) is claimed by many a mamaz, but is only genuinely applicable to a few. That’s because it’s the sexier/less potent of the two poisons. True enough, there are mamaz who have scoured the market and genuinely decided that they want no part of this good called LOVE. This is part of the exchange process and there can be no gripes about them …

The vast majority however, need LOVE but can’t seem to get any favours from the market. This is where the concept of “kutolewa rangi” comes in. We now live in a society where the haves frown heavily on the have-nots. Even the have-little despise the have-nothings. With this associated stigma, who is going to ADMIT that they cannot bargain for LOVE in the market? Only a precious few! The rest proudly proclaim, “Why the hell do I need a man?” Note here that BARGAINING CURRENCY is obtained from the numerous social interactions, teachings from parents, church, etc. A corollary of this definition is that when we say that the good “love” is too expensive, it is synonymous to saying that there is INADEQUATE BARGAINING CURRENCY!

But how would such a situation arise?

Let’s take a journey back, back into time. Often, it is instructive to literally step “outside” of time and observe linkages between events. Unfortunately, we are often biased towards present events . Understanding these past-present linkages should occasion us invaluable insight in trying to establish a focused, effective and goal-oriented framework for facilitating the EXCHANGE for LOVE. Forthwith, I will argue that the quagmire accruing to Kenyan mamaz from the afore-posed questions is a direct result of the invisible tensions between the traditional, the modern and the religious!!

Should a woman marry a younger man?

What is the right age for a woman to get married?

Why do women panic when they reach 30 on the BT?

Way before the Union Jack was shamelessly hoisted on our hallowed soil, way before young Kenyan boys started wearing netted vundas, these questions, these dilemmas were for all intents and purposes, NON-EXISTENT. Society had AUTOMATIC STABILIZERS in the form of defined roles that were a double-edged sword. In the largely GERONTOCRATIC SOCIETY, place dictated form. Women were almost exclusively subservient to the whims of men. It was assumed that the commodity LOVE was superior to INDIVIDUAL CHOICE. Simply put, everybody had to get some. This was achieved by ensuring that women had little or no say when it came to choosing the SUPPLIER of love. If a man looked, and liked, and had the BARGAINING CURRENCY, that was pretty much sealed. Interestingly, our traditional society can hardly be said to have been dysfunctional in this regard. In essence, LOVE was deemed a PUBLIC GOOD which society was generally better placed to apportion Please note that in return for this acquiescence, men had to provide for the security of the family. This security was all encompassing; basic sustenance, protection (literally) and the household representative in the community. But that was before the advent of CHOICE or simply put the coming of the WHITE MAN to our soils…


To put the traditional-modern tension into perspective, allow me a wee digression – a tribal one. I have heard contentions that the influence of traditions has waned considerably and that with more and more kids forgetting their mother-tongues, that soon this influence will be phased out. What a fallacy! This is a very naïve and superficial position. After all, I do not live in Utopia and like to temper my reasoning with a touch of realism. I do not accept the notion that the ties between the members of a community/tribe are so superficial as to be confined, defined and dictated solely by commonality of language. Conversely, I would propose that language in itself is only but the outward, “visible” manifestation of primordial kinship ties and bonds that run deep and thick as blood. Long before Kenya was a nation, tribal units were the default “states.” Within each tribe, and over the course of generations, members of a tribe had to learn to stick together to survive. Societies developed customs and traditions (some are still practiced today) that were unique to themselves and that helped fortify and foster identity, or a sense of togetherness. As such, to expect or demand a sudden suppression of identity elements that are arguably inherent is to display a gross ignorance of the nature and power of traditions in African societies.

To demonstrate, let us examine the following:


WHY DO SOME WOMEN FEEL A COMPELLING NEED TO MARRY OLDER MEN?

I have heard time and again the bullshit argument that it is because WOMEN MATURE FASTER THAN MEN. Puleeeaase!! This is where I introduce the PRINCIPLE OF CONVERGENCE to debunk this myth once and for all. This principle dictates (and is borne out in real life) that the maturity curves for men and women are Sigmoid, or roughly “S” shaped. Women start out faster on this maturity curve than men (as evidenced during puberty years) but then the curve slows down to the extent where men catch up. The two curves then continue upwards before flattening out together at the zenith of the maturity level (we can’t mature infinitely).

The real reason, in my opinion, lies deep in our roots. There has been a subtle continuation of the substance, and not necessarily the form, of gender roles. What do I mean? Men are still expected to be the security providers, but subtly so. This is implicitly taught to young girls and by the time they are making the all important LOVE PURCHASE, it is no longer a rational decision. The subconscious has already been bandikwad with the “do’s” and “don’t’s “in the love market. This situation renders it extremely difficult (not impossible), for a chille to get MALOVINGS from a junior boy. I mean, if I am born @ the same time or before a certain chille, let’s call her X. Now we attend school @ the same time, maybe even deskis. If the “roles” card is flashing in mamaz mind after sijui campo, what is the probability that poor Mwangi can prove his mettle to this mama? I just have to put up and wait for the chillez who are clearing primo to mature and find me balling …


WHAT IS THE OPTIMUM AGE TO BUY LOVE?

Traditionally, as soon as a mama was of “child-bearing age” and had a line of suitors, that was manenos sealed. Today, one has to contend with school, career moves, etc. It is no stretch to imagine that the average marrying age for mamaz has shifted upwards by a good 10 – 15 years. But MENOPAUSE hasn’t cooperated! Imebaki pale pale. So it’s not without sense that the alarm bells start ringing when a chille kanyagas 25 years and has machinations of raising a ka-mini football field …

Might we be wrong then, to tie an issue like marriage to PROFESSIONAL and FINANCIAL accomplishments? Remember our precondition at the very beginning: the equilibrium price is attained when two “traders” meet each other at the right place at the right time; their feelings for each other are indistinguishable – they feel the SAME way about each other, at the SAME time.

Maybe LOVE should really be an independent event! Maybe in our zeal and zest for money and promotions, our EQUILIBRIUM POINT passes us by. Maybe that perfect person for us sails by. I mean, if you are waiting to be baked before you start your MARKET OPERATIONS FOR LOVE, doesn’t that mean that the glue that holds your LOVE together is money, and therefore that, in the absence of it, that LOVE disintegrates? Through thick and thin has increasingly become a mantra that everybody loves but no one practices. In my opinion, it is probably the ONLY TRUE foundation for true love …


WHERE ARE THE MEN WHEN THE WOMEN ARE 30?

Now this is another tricky one. Everything about our society cries out for conservatism; SEPARATE the boys from the girls to NEGATE the actualization of inevitable fantasies. Look at the proportion of boarding schools that are mixed to single-sex? What do they teach in Sunday school all the way up. Ati mahanjam ni mbaya mboff … ni za ibilisi!! This spatial separation could lead in the long-run to the question: JUST HOW THE FUCK DO YOU NEGO. THIS LOVE MARKET?

Luckily, this is largely trivial as it is negated by the raging hormones that endow traders with natural trading instincts … sort of like the way breast feeding came naturally.

The most serious problem with regard to the scarcity of men is a direct follow-up of the “OPTIMUM AGE FOR LOVE TRANSACTION.” When a mama pitishas that magic age, the corresponding supply of men have either all married, or if not, they are looking for an energetic kadogo dogo and could care less …

So what happens? If you HAVE TO buy a good @ the market and you arrive late, si the good ones will all have gone? Now if you ABSOLUTELY have to take home, you will have to settle for the rejects, the poor quality, the unripe fruits. You are pretty much at the mercy of probability with regard to getting quality. Thus it is also with LOVE! That’s how some mamaz end up settling with some kubaff jamaaaz, yet countless buyers had inquired waaaay before the market was close to closing only to be rebuffed!!

SPECIAL CASE: KENYANS ABROAD

Technically, there is supposed to be greater variety, but only IF AND ONLY IF, one is in the international market. If you are like me, that is, will only have your love wrapped KENYAN or bust, it can be a FUCKED up situation. If that be your circumstance, it is a market of SCARCITY. Settling and compromising, unless of course a stroke of luck befalls one, is the ORDER OF THE DAY. Obviously, if it doesn’t cost one much (minimal emotional investments), then RIDDANCE is like spitting a ball of saliva from the 15th floor of a building – chap chap. The probability of dysfunctional relationships abroad, is therefore, much higher a mon avis.

Do you guys agree? If so, what do we do? If not, what is your summary opinion? I’d love for us to share kidogo on this …

Ps: I promise I’ll neva eva put a longer post!!

Thursday, May 24, 2007

Why is it So Hard to be a Woman ( ?)

I stumbled upon " My Days On Earth" during my usual blohoeing session. Binti_Mrembo (I think) gives a very interesting story that is well worth reading. I think she's a recent blogger and I don't know if she is on KBW coz I saw her post though Technorati. Anyways, I have decided, after reading that post that the "Evolution of African Diabz" can wait kidogo. This is more pressing and I'll try give my $ 0.02 worth on the issue in my next post.

TRUST ME, HER ARTICLE IS REALLY INTERESTING. IT IS WORTH A READ!!

What is the right age for a woman to be married?
Do Women have an expiry date?
Are "Morally Upright" Women Punished Unfairly By Life?
Where do Women Go Wrong?
Why is it so hard to be a Woman?


PS: PLEASE DO NOT LEAVE A COMMENT ON THIS POST. LEAVE THE COMMENTS ON THE POST TITLED "SWEET AND MARRIAGE"

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

African vs. Jungu Diabz ...

Objective:
To compare the posterior accentuation between African and Jungu Mamaz

Sample Size:
jungu = 30 mamaz
african = 30 mamaz

Null Hypothesis:
There is no difference in accentuation between an African diabz and a jungu diabz

Alternative Hypothesis:
An African diabz is more accentuated than a jungu diabz … [ click to see Exihibit "A"]

Accentuation Test:

The challenge here was to develop a subtle, fair and scientifically measurable test.
That was achieved by computing the “wobbling effect” in a random sample of mamaz.
We assume vector quantities, not scalar. That is, the closer to ZERO the “wobble magnitude” is, the more accentuated the diabz is.

The “wobble magnitude” is obtained by observing the number of sideway swings made by a diabz, without bobbling up and down. This means that a “perfect wobble” has a magnitude of exactly ZERO, that is, if observed for a minute, the diabz will sweep equidistant “left-right” arcs with minimal “up-down” disturbances …

RESULTS:
The null hypothesis was rejected at all levels of significance. The African mamaz win, hands down. The key question is HOW?

EXPLANATION:

Two raus of grey-goose* –pineapple, and off I was, traversing the ethers to the Galapagos … whither my answer was revealed. That will be the object of my next post entitled:

“How African Mamaz Have Bigger Diabz than Jungus – An Evolutionary Approach”


Motive:
Why would someone do such an experiment? Well ... very good question ... but sometimes why is less important than how! Let me demonstrate ...

Tell me:

How would a goose* (a real goose) look in high-heels and shades?

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Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Get Paid Kuchambua Methali !!

Wakereketwa wa lugha, Wazalendo, mpo?

Methali ... chambueni ... kama hujui jaribu tu. Kuna zawadi kem kem kwa mshindi ... tena kando !!

"Cha mkufuu mwanafuu ha, akila hu, cha mwanafuu mkufuu hu, akila ha!"

Haya, twendeni kazi!!

Sunday, May 20, 2007

The Purrfect Kiss ...



I just came from my friend's graduation party. It is Sunday 12:15 AM. I have not slept a wink since Friday night. I am quite maji ...

It is high time I posted maji ... always wondered what it would be like... not anymore ...

When you are on the bilaz train, you tend to have the most passionate moments ... in your mind. Like now, I was fantasizing about a kiss ... a perfect kiss. I can probably sacrifice a tongue right now to have a kick ass kiss ... hmmm ... sorta like unyc selling her car to get gas money ...

So I looked in the mirror and said to myself:

"Is it possible to have that perfect, kick-ass kiss?"

My self performance appraisal hints at the following:

  1. The lips look kissable ... enabling a perfect kiss ...
  2. But the nose is too big ... ruining the perfect kiss ...
  3. So maybe I'll breathe too heavily on the "kissee" ... preventing the perfect kiss ...


Somebody* kiss me ...


* gal. gal. gal

Thursday, May 17, 2007

Kenyan Mamaz - Why I Still Love 'em ...

Why I still love Kenyan Mamaz ...
Last night, in my customary fourth gear of a keroro induced slumber, I finally understood everything. I was, through telekinesis or some cabalistic power, teleported to the annus mirabilis of human existence, where it all began. That year is 1905. There, I was presented with the “The Special Theory of the Relative Experiences of Kenyan Mamaz.”

The most emotionally discombobulating question/comment a pretty mama can ask/make is:

“Do you know what I have been through?

I have been through a lot …
These kinds of remarks conjure images of majonzi, despair, utter desolation, et cetera. Kumbe!!...I hereby present to you a succinct equation that is the quintessence (tial) embodiment of mundane mama chatter (ly) that should shed a gleam of dawn ... on these experiences ...

E = mc²

Where:

E = Everything (note the capital “E”)

m = magnified
c = complicated

and:

“Everything” and “Magnification” are equivalent and transmutable …


Following are several practical applications of the theory:

“I have had such a bad day” – When a guy utters these words, mamaz please dote on him. Give him a hug, a big wet kiss, and if schedules permit, let him access you horizontally. Why? Because he means exactly that! He might have had an accident on the way to work, missed being hit by a car, was fired from work, or a host of other commensurate tragedies! What about mamaz? Ati the b/f did not call her at lunch time, she overheard a co-worker bitching about her, or more trivially, ati chai ilimwagika kwa jiko in the morning and she had no time to wipe coz she’da been late to work… Ngai fafa …


“He put me through a lot” – When a guy semaz he’s been put through a lot by a chick, it’s some serious dose … like finding out on the wedding day that a chick’s been wekaing other jamaas 4 all this time, or almost getting his “tools” chopped off in an argument … but some mamas … eish … maisha needs to go on … you’ll pata a mama is not eating, is not talking, can’t go to work, is crying all the time … ati coz of memories of a guy who dumped her 2 or 3 months ago … na ukimwuliza ni nini, unaambiwa “It’s that time of the month” … cum on …


With mamas, it’s all relative
… small issues are magnified … serious ones are downplayed. I have decided to stop criticizing and start understanding. At the end of the day, after all the relativity is accounted for, there still is nothing like the good Kenyan gal next door … still love ‘em all to bits … be they farmgals or princesses … so I’ll always be relatively ready to relate to your relative experiences if you cum ova to my place …


footnote: Lesson from a village boy … to avoid the “chai related stresses” described in (i) above … spread the tea leaves on the “about to boil” combo of milk and water and koroga with a kichungi … that way … hautamwagiliwa ….


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Tuesday, May 15, 2007

My Confessions ...


Why I Blog ...

1) War on Identity:


According to Google, I am a 43 year old married farmer with three kids looking for a $ 1200 loan to buy a dairy cow. Ati what? Kubaff!! Do you know the life expectancy of a Kenyan Male is 49.78 years as of 2006? I have not even gotten laid half that many times and they are saying I have kindu 7 more years kwa hii dunia. Aish ... those were not the nyondos I was talking about ... Shindwe!! Paka mweusi ...

ps: They even had the audacity to "update" my condition on my b-day - kubaff tena !!

People THIS IS THE REAL JOSHUA MWANGI :)


http://blog.joshuajmorgan.com/life.php/2007/02/18/joshua_mwangi


2) Make You Guys Smile:

If you sometimes visit my blog and leave with a smile, my job is done. I aim to please. This is subject to confirmation though ...

3)Night Job:

What better job for usiku than "hoeing"? Bloghoeing (EGM correction ... Tato ) ... I try to abstain Monday - Thursday ... replenish my juices ... but come Thursday, am on a rampage ... I hope I give y'all a good time ... but there's more in the pipe.. line ... Keep coming for refills ...

4)Najivunia kuwa Mkenya:

I am very serious about this ...

My parents, my schools ... all have taught me about leadership and service. My playful nature should not deceive anyone ...
"Meeting" like-minded individuals like you spurs and motivates me ... and believe it or not, I harbour great dreams ... and believe that with the will of God, I'll be involved with some of you in future in doing things for our Kenya ... watch this space ...

5) Make Friends, Learn Vocabulary

Bloghoeing ... (EGM)
Sex Bila Jokes ... (Archer)
Bilaz Train ... (Milo)

Keep it coming guys :)

Friends, I like you all ... some more than others ... naturally.


Let me tag:

Bomseh
Archer
Modoathii

Monday, May 14, 2007

A seriously wet DREAM

There is a fine line between thinking outside the box and lunacy. Sometimes, I am not sure which category I fall in. This is one of those times. Last night, in my fourth gear of sleep I had a dream ... and no, it wasn't a sexcapade with a "yet to be named" KBW hottie. I woke up, in the middle of the night, drenched with sweat, thoughts dominated by the following ideas:


There has never been tribalism in Kenya
There is no tribalism in Kenya
There never will be tribalism in Kenya
Actually, tribalism is a myth … it doesn’t exist!


Is this madness?
Is there an iota of truth to the dream?

Friday, May 11, 2007

My Village Sevens ...


Being a bonafide village boy, I cannot forget memories and lessons inculcated in dear gishagi. Following is a bonus "7" from that most wonderful life, which I yearn and long for ...

  1. I once wore a gumboot with a rat in it – yea I am a village boy, deal with that …
  2. I can make chapattis – round ones for that matter – the softness, however, is subject to probability ...
  3. I cannot type on a keyboard without looking at the letters …
  4. I can milk the hell out of a cow … two nyondoz @ a time …
  5. I have done “hill skating” in the village – dissect a Jik Container, sit on it at the top of the hill and submit to the will of gravity ...
  6. I am an exception to the law of flotation, Archimedes’s Principles, and any such related fluid laws – in other words – I CANNOT SWIM ...
  7. My mother has spanked me more times than I can count. Most memorable: Once in class, in front of my classmates for playing soccer in class, for fighting with my SMALL brother over bread, just because she could – so it seemed!! Despite that, I love her more than anything in this world or the next …

My Sevens ...

  1. I nyonyad mpaka nursery school. I suspect that is where my obsession with boobs emanated… there is nothing I enjoy like going to sleep with a nice, round boob tucked in my mouth …
  2. Sometimes my ego gets soo big … if it was a man and you found him in bed with your wifey/mama, instead of beefing, you’d just cover me nicely and sing me a soft lullaby …
  3. I have REAL metal in my left foot – 2 screws and a plate – thanks to a crunching soccer tackle a few years ago. On the positive side, this helps me get automatically attracted to mamaz … who I consider magnets …
  4. I THINK I like older mamas …
  5. I have preached on several occasions – when I was in high school …
  6. I have experienced sleep paralysis - I think I met the devil while I was @ it … and I was not afraid …
  7. “Strong to Serve”


I tag:

chatterly, farmgal, komi, betty, unyc, princess, prettylyf

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Wednesday, May 09, 2007

Chelsea: Kubaff ! - Man U: Shupavu !

Chelseaaaaa: Kubaff ...
Uniteeeeeed: Shupavu ...
Mvinyo – tutakunyua leo jioni ... tena Stamford Bridge
Mdinyo – tutafanyia leo jioni ... tena Stamford Bridge
Mourihno – tutamkunia leo jioni – tena Stamford Bridge
Chelsea ... kubaff ...
United ... shupavu ...
United ni mazimwi
Chelsea zimweni
United: mabingwa - ni upele
Chelsea: wajinga - washweni
Tumewatinga kama Pele
Mchezo wetu ni Samba*
Uwezo wetu tumesambaza
Chelsea ... kubaff ...
United ... shupavu ...
Mnaboo ... oneni wenu utundu
Miboo ... nyonyeni yetu ... mzibwe mikundu ...
Mourihno ... mtukutu ...
Ferguson ... mtukufu ...
Chelsea ... kubaff ... nyang'au
United ... shupavu ... angalau
Arsenal:
Wenu mashabiki
Wetu marafiki
Nyie sasa wanafiki
Mie siasa sifiki
Muhula huu visiki
Ndiyo yenu riziki
Nendeni likizo!
Liverpoool
"howdy mate"
Sitopoteza mengi mate
Ila tu kuwaonya ...
Bila tu mtaona ...
Mtavunjwa mvunjike ... na Milan
Mtabinjwa mbinjike ... na Milan
Huu wangu unabii
Bidii fanyeni mtii
Go Milaaan!!

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Sunday, May 06, 2007

A Pink Panther ... oops... Panty ...

In this age of terror, we have been advised by the department of homeland security to be keenly aware of our environs ...

My first agenda thus, as soon as I step out of the office, is to quickly absorb my surroundings. And so it was that on my coffee run last Thursday, I inadvertently stumbled upon a diabz ... a a "wow" diabz ...

I uttered a quick prayer to implore the good Lord to forgive my eyes. Just before diverting my line of sight to scan for other potential sources of terror, I saw something that made me linger on the diabz a wee longer ... a pinkie !!

This chick was in some tight, tight black pants that really accentuated the hinder parts of her body. The pink thus was a stark contrast that demanded further investigation. What was she hiding? Was she a terrorist?

And investigate I did. Kumbe!!

My visual probe yielded several possibilities:

i) She had nyambad a serious one, raruaing her pants, exposing her pink panties ...

ii)She had dropped her phone and in the process of picking it up, lacerated her tight black pants, exposing her pink panties ...

iii)Her posterior had expanded in size between the time she left home and this particular moment, exposing her pink panties ...


I considered tapping her on the back and apprising her of this series of unfortunate events. But my strength failed me. What if I ruined her day? What if I dealt a crushing blow to her self-esteem? No, I could not have that on my conscience. So, I watched her disappear into the train station.

What would you have done?

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Thursday, May 03, 2007

Wardrobe Malfunctions

Shetani Ashindwe!!

What have I done to deserve this?

Why do I have to be on the receiving end of the weirdest wardrobe malfunctions??

I love boxers. I love boxers without buttons. When I go for a number 1, chap chap, unzip the trao, junior falls out and we go to work on the second best feeling ever … you get the picture? I got a rude shock today. I had been stuffing myself with coffee at work, tingling my nerves and basically wasting a whooole lotsa company time. Then my bladder had enuff. I kimbiad for the usual routine only to discover the unimaginable. Junior would not come out. I could feel him beneath the boxers, yes but could not see him. By this time, I WAS SOOO PRESSED and desperate. I groped and groped, looking for a non-existent button, all the while praying nobody walked in on me, but to no avail. I rushed into the # 2 station where I came to a sad realization … I wore my boxers backwards-forward this morning!! There really is something wrong with my head.